Can the new year renew you too?

 Hi I'm Homemade Human!! I'm writing for fun so don't mind me and enjoy yourself please!!

It's been a while since I last post here not like anyone reads them or cares but it just feels different texting back after a long time.

I've been trying to change; personality wise, apperance wise but I don't think anything is changed. I'm still the same old me. I just wanna change because I hate my current self. Actually I don't wanna change too I'm too scared of a change. I'm scared of the future. I don't wanna grow up. I wish I could stay like this for eternity. Even tho I don't wanna change cause I don't want to leave my comfort zone I wanna do it too cause I know in the end everyone I love and cheer will hate the person I become and I'm scared of being left alone. I hope this new year can renew me too. I know that I am being childish and delusional but ... yeah I don't have anything to say.

So yeah thanks for listening me! I hope this silly little post makes you feel seen or idk!

 Love,

Homemade Human.

Guilt

 Hello once again or maybe this is our first time encountering.

If you don't know me I'm Homemade Human, Human for short. I post blogs for fun or to express myself.

People started to study and I'm here doing nothing. Some of my friends text me "hey! Did you start studying?" weeks passes and then i finally text them and telling them some lie about how i couldn't reply to them. People are way beyond me. I didn't even studied this whole summer. And the summer is nearly ending. And i even lied to my parent and relatives and friends and even the therapist that i studied everyday. But I didn't i know this will have a really bad consicuensies but i still cant do it. I know i should study I know i shouldn't tell lies but i just cant. And the worst thing is I have this guilt inside me. I feel like the worst. I wish someone can take me and we con go somewhere far away from everyone i know. I wish i could run away. I wish i could just disappear.

Sorry for this absurd and helpless blog.

Love,

Homemade Human.

PS: I actually wrote this back in 24th July. I cant believe it's been 2 months since I wrote this and I couldnt even published it...

Maybe I should end it all

 I don't know what I'm doing with myself, with my life, with my school life maybe I should end it all.

 

This Unknown Feeling

 Hello again!..

How have you been?? Did you have fun since our last talk? I hope you're living your life at the fullest and the bestest as it can be. 

If youre new to here Welcome I'm Homemade Human. I write blogs just for fun so don't really take these seriously.

Well then. Let's start then...Shall we?

I've been kinda feeling unknown. I can't describe it. I'm a highschooler and next year my life is getting so much more serious. And I was never serious at anything my whole entire life. I get good grades just listening the classes and didn't need to study a bit. But after this year I really need to study. I don't really hate studying. What I hate is studying something I don't want. For example I really love English, art, music. I can't say I hate math or chem bio etc. But when they force me to study math science I Hate it. I can't describe the hatred feeling in me because of how art and literature is considered "cheap" because they think it's something replacable, and the math science is the only thing can make modey in this world. And I think you understand where I'm going with this. Yes my parents force me to be good in math and science and ignore my love for any kind of art. And on top of these they want me to study smth I don't want in uni. I feel like an ungrateful child because of how they educate me, they will give so much money to those courses I will go next year...But that's not what I want. I feel like an idiot for being like this but I don't want to do that. And the fact that I know won't be good in any of those is what killing me from inside. And all this makes me want to disappear even more each day pass by. 

Whether I disappear or not, there are still many traces left behind me.

Love,

Homemade Human.

Don't You Hate It Too..?

Welcome back! Or maybe this is your first ever time here... idk BUT how are you? 

I hope you are having an awesome day at wherever you are around the world or around the universe!!

Don't you hate it too when people underestimate you just because you are quiet. No I'm not stupid, I just don't want to talk to people like you. So My classmates are like this. Just because I don't really like speaking to them they think like they can target me or make fun of me etc. I hate it so much. People HAVE TO understand that everyone has different interests and specialities. They just think I'm really stupid because I don't do some questions on math or other sience lectures. NO IT'S NOT TRUE. I get good grades from them. I understand some topics more than you but I don't like to point it out loud. You guys just want some people "worse" than you to make yourselves feel better. I wish humanity just understand people can be good at different type of lands. I wish that humanity understand art is not something replaceable or/and art IS something valuable for us for other generations. I hope humanity will understand that art is not an escape from math and people do it because they like it. And I hope that humanity will understand choosing an art department for university and for job does NOT mean you will be poor or be homeless. 

Anyways I hope you're living the life you want and not the others expecting from you.

 

PS:Don't really expect something so cool and brilliant text from me cause I just do this blogging thing for fun and to open up.

Love,

Homemade Human.

Feeling Empty

I don’t know why but sometimes I feel like I’m in a blackhole. I feel sooo empty. I feel like somewhere between my lungs are pulling me inside. I feel like I had a heart attack after that. When I feel empty I don’t really have any kind of motivation to do anything. I isolate myself from the world. Thats why I made this blog actually. It’s my own homemade world. Whenever I feel empty I dont want to see anyone or hear anyone or talk to anyone. I went to my own world. 

So when I feel that kind of emptinees I will write here to manage my thoughts and hope to reduce that emptinees in me by writing.

If you read my blog thank you so much!

Its my first blog and English is not my first language.

So if I made any mistakes I'm really sorry about that.

Love,

Homemade Human.